Some things are forever

There are moments.

When the radiating sunshine

And the sing-song of childrens laughter

And the gentle warm caress of skin gliding on skin,

Are still not enough.

 

Moments
when the gaping void is the only thing I can be sure is real,

The only thing that can anchor me,

Here,

In this moment.

The only thing I can hold onto

Is the unarguable certainty of my isolation.

This loneliness,

Is the one truth that my mind cannot deny.

And in a familiar twisted way,

It’s beautiful,

Comforting,

To know that not everything is temporary,

Some things are forever.

Forever Broken

There’s a line of a song

And it goes,

‘My heart can’t possibly break , when it wasn’t even whole to start with’,

It echoes a beleif I seem to hold,

A belief that holds me,

in the lonely cold hours between dusk,

and dawn.

‘I’m too broken , to be broken anymore ‘

This knowledge is a softly spoken bedtime story,

An old smelly, fuzzy comfort blanket,

Its the slither of light from the hallway that falls on my face,

Its the hole-ridden teddy bear thats missing half of its insides,

That I clutch tight to my chest,

It lures & lulls me into the welcoming safety of oblivion….

….But it is just

…a fairytale.

Because in the harsh, glaring and inescapable light of day

with its loud and jarring noises

and rancid sweet smothering smoke,

just when I beleive that all the pieces of me are too small to possibly be broken anymore,

They Break Again.

And I watch in absence and in awe 

how many pieces a person can be broken into.

Night falls.

I leave the hallway light on,

I gather my blanket and my teddy,

I curl up in my bed,

And a small voice gently whispers

‘They can’t break you now.’

😥